Picking up the pieces

I feel so broken. I feel like so much was taken from me that I can never get back. My heart and mind feel vacant. I do not know what I'm thinking. I struggle for find words to express how I feel, when in all reality, I don't even know. How can I expect anyone else to understand what I'm going through when I don't even understand. I know bad things happen in this world, but I don't think kids my age were made to understand something so deep like this. I've never felt so much and yet understood so little. I know Jeremy says he's there for me. He says it all the time, and he sounds like he means it. I know Sarah and Naomi say I can talk to them and trust them, but I don't trust anyone, not even myself. There is a difference between knowing someone meaning what they say, and truly believing it for yourself. It's not their fault. I know they want to help. It's my fault, for all of it. Well, that's how I feel anyway. Jeremy tells me that this isn't my fault. I know he's right, I just don't believe it! I don't believe a lot right now. I'm scared. Terrified actually. What's going to happen to me? Will I be okay? Will I have to see him again? Will my parents be mad at me? Will they take even more away from me? All I ever wanted was to feel safe, and for a while I did. Until that Friday afternoon. All safety and security was taken from me. I was exposed to the cold hard truth of this world. It's not safe. It's the farthest thing from safe. When I know nothing, feel nothing, and believe nothing, it's so much harder to feel safe. I know Jeremy, Sarah, and Naomi want whats best for me, but believing anyone wants what's best for me is hard. I know I can't let this eat me up inside. I know I have to talk about it.It was so hard to tell Jeremy and I trust him with my life. How can I tell someone I barely know? I know Betsy seems nice and trustworthy, but I can't just jump to that conclusion. I have before and it always ends with me broken and trust betrayed. What do I do?