What happened last night?

So, everyone wants to hear the truth right? Any time someone asks you for your honest opinion they want you to say what's really on your mind, right? Well, not always. But now id my time to be honest. I know the "typical" Christian kid does drink, smoke or party. They get good grades and are nice to everyone and love helping around the church. Well part of that stereotype is true of me. But not all of it. We all make mistakes in life and its whether or not we choose to learn from them that make or break us.I have made some bad decisions recently that brought my life to a "screeching halt". I decided to be part of the "in" crowd. I felt like I needed to be accepted by the people that were supposed to love me for who I was, not what I did. I decided to smoke and drink with a couple of friends. By far, not the highlight of my teen years. The same weekend all of this happened I went to church with a hangover, also not so smart. I prayed with one of our youth groups staff members Sarah Stephens. I told her I knew why I did what I did, before I even did it. Yet I chose to do it any way. I knew that's NOT who God created me to be. So that Sunday I decided I would tell Jeremy, my youth pastor. I sent him a text Monday morning asking if there was a time we could talk about something that was very important to me. We decided on Thursday before youth group. I went in and talked to him and i felt very relieved at first. Then he dropped the bomb. I had to tell my parents. My family situation is kind of difficult to explain, but to sum it up, it's... well, unique. This wasn't going to be the easiest thing in the world. But I knew I had to do it. Jeremy and I talked for over an hour and I was completely heart broken when I left his office. At this point I felt so much guilt and pain that I didn't know what to do. I thought that talking to him and "clearing the air" would make me feel like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. But instead, I felt like 500 lbs was added to what I was already carrying. I am still in the middle of deciding when to tell my dad. Yeah, it's kind of supposed to be decided today, and yes, I'm supposed to let Jeremy know today. Something deep inside me knows the answer, but on the surface I'm just hoping he will forget all about our conversation. But I highly doubt that's possible because this was HUGE! I still have an uneasy feeling about this. I know God will work it all out. But the only thing going through my mind is negative thoughts. As I sit here and write this i feel so sick to my stomach. This past week has been so hard for me. I don't eat. I don't sleep. I'm so exhausted. I can't help but thing of everyone I have let down. Not to mention the fact I have lost two friends out of all this. I know I am wrong in what I did. Part of me regrets coming clean. Part of me knows that coming clean was the right thing to do. But I absolutely HATE what has come of this. Yet I know this is almost over. It wont last forever. Most importantly, God is a God of mercy and grace. and I need all I can get.